According to the fengshui masters, flowers in bloom
facing east, bring health. A three-legged toad
by the front door, means luck. For you, not the toad.
To tap scholastic wit, stand in the magnetic centre
of the house, locate the south corner and move your desk
there, blindfolded. Avoid aquariums in the bedroom; they activate
loss, unless you introduce an even number of fish
to absorb your doom. If they die
you know they've done their work. Place a water dragon
in your garden, not to ward off strangers, but to fetch
hidden wealth. If you live in an apartment,
make do in the corridor. Let each family member eat
facing his or her most auspicious direction. Conversation
is optional. There is no formula for laughter.
This is serious business: do not expect miracles overnight;
wait at least seven times seven days. Be content with lack,
so the stars tell us. Or else stand there quietly, in moonlight,
facing west, for a change. Bring someone else an augury of fortune.
30 August 2001 11:59 hours